help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
