It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
