At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
a search helicopter?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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