Little spoons don't ask big questions
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
