You're completely useless in the revolution.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
