Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
