Do you still have your period?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
