I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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