This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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