rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
