She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
where are my eyebrows?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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