My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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