Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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