if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
whose ass print is on the piano?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
