Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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