you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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