At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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