By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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