apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you inspire me to be a worse person
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
