You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
