I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
