Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
