dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
