then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
