I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
