the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
