this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
