i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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