She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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