You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
