In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
