I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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