If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
