She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
