...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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