somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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