SEEEEXXX PLEASE
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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