He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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