I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
