Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
