Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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