Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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