I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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