Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i out mim tonsoeep
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
