awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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