He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just want to make out with him forever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
