It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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