Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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