the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
