All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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