Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
