Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
