Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
