Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
