Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
