I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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