Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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