Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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