I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
