There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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