Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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