i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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