Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
