I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
