Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
