I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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