her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
