No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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