I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
