Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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