awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
