y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
