did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
