I skipped work to stalk him.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
