mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
