I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We just shotgunned beers for America
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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