What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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