Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
