I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
