you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
