Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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