well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
