Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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