Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
